Abort, Abort, Abort

There's a lot being made of Tim Tebow's Super Bowl commercial for Focus on the Family. Apparently Tim's spot is going to feature a pro life message and that has a lot of pro choice advocates upset. They're not as upset by the commercial as they are Focus on the Family's tactics. Focus on the Family often characterizes people who are pro choice as being pro abortion. This is simply true.

I'm pro abortion. I side with the pro choice crowd but it is my belief that most women should get abortions. Let me explain:

If a woman is pregnant there's a pretty good chance she's hot and if she's not hot then she's probably “do-able” under the right circumstances. Even if she's only marginally attractive, the fact that she's pregnant proves that she's promiscuous and promiscuity increases the hotness factor. Guys don't run around impregnating ugly women and women who don't put out aren't likely to get pregnant.

I know, I sound like a pig. That's fine. I accept that. A lot of people can't deal with honesty.

There are cases where I don't approve of abortion. I couldn't care less if married women choose life, unless they're predisposed to cheating on their husbands. I also think that ugly women should not opt for abortions simply because the odds of them getting pregnant again are slim. There's also a distinct possibility that they'll give birth to a girl who will become hot and since this future hottie had an ugly mom she will have low self esteem and be much more likely to turn to sex for validation.

Now I know what you're thinking: Steve, a lot of those pregnant woman might have hot daughters as well. Maybe, but that doesn't do me a whole lot of good. At least not for 15 or 16 years (depending on age of consent restrictions) and even then, I'll be old. That means I'll need more young hot chicks with severe self esteem issues.

No. I need as many promiscuous hot women running around right now. That means abortions. Lots of them. If I were rich I would start up a fund to pay for abortions. My random sex window is closing. I'm rapidly approaching an age where the women I can hook up with don't need abortions because their ovaries have shriveled into bitter old capers.

Unlike some people, I don't find pregnant women particularly attractive. You can keep your “glow” and the increase in breast size stops being a plus once that baby bump emerges. I also don't find women with young children all that attractive and even if I did, they usually aren't very interested in sex. It's natural. This is why male lions and tigers and bears strive to kill cubs in the wild.

I'm hoping that Tim Tebow's spot is so much of a downer that people run out to get abortions just to spite him. I've never really liked Tebow. I don't like anybody who proselytizes and I think that most people get tired of hearing bibles being thumped. I hope Tebow's commercial is sandwiched between a smolderng GoDaddy.com spot and a beer commercial featuring a bunch of models who saved their careers by getting timely abortions. Then, when we go back to the game I hope they open with a shot of the action on South Beach, which will likely be teeming with hot girls, horny guys and the sort of offensive debauchery that makes the stiffs at Focus on the Family write angry sermons.