Monday, January 09, 2006


First and foremost I have to thank Deena for setting up this blog. It took a little work to track down the password/username, but after a little deductive reasoning I finally got it. For the record, 1971 doesn't mean a damned thing to me. 71 does and 1970 carries some weight, but 1971...nope. Nice try. But I got in and that's what's important... Right? Cool.

So what am I supposed to write? That's a good question. I'll ponder that subject from time to time and hopefully I'll come up with things that will amuse, amaze and astound all who might venture to this blog. Which is not going to be many people because everybody seems to be blogging. There are some real doozies out there too. Some people can barely form a complete sentence and they enter crap into a blog everyday. And it is crap...a lot of it doesn't make much sense. Whenever I start to feel like a complete and total loser I wander through the internet and read some of the more inane blogs out there. Sometimes it's scary.

I have to tell you that this whole blogging thing really disappoints me. Somehow I don't think that this is what Al Gore had in mind when he invented the internet. I know that he saw a future where useful information was exchanged in the blink of an eye and now we have people electronically obsessing over Lost.

That show has to be the most irritating piece of contrived garbage out there. I think the guys who wrote it had a great idea for a miniseries and some network executive didn't read the treatment and assumed it was a regular series. So now the shows writers mine the internet for the latest theories and work them into the show. Brilliant.

It's obvious they have no idea what's going on because they have dropped a number of themes used early in the show and picked up new story lines that don't seem to fit. What happened to the monsters in the forest? What was up with that black vaporous object that snatched people under ground? It's almost as if each episode is written by pulling two or three themes out of a hat and loosely tying them together through a combination of bad acting and tedious flashbacks.

I started off intrigued by the show, then I was irritated by it, and now I find myself watching it because I think the whole thing is hilarious. I know that this show is going to end in a way that disappoints everybody. The writers will simply wrap the whole thing up by passing it off as a dream and defend the cop out by telling viewers that it's not about the destination, but the journey where we find true satisfaction.

I can't believe people are eating this show up. Yes, they have a wonderful array of eye candy for both sexes to enjoy and they do try to give the viewer a cliffhanger ending each week, but they don't seem to fill the spaces in between with anything substantial. If they aren't going to stimulate my mind then the least they can do is hook me up with more skin. Get a 10 pm time slot and take a cue from NYPD Blue: give everybody a butt shot. Especially that fat bastard Hugo. If Dennis Franz dropped his drawers, anybody can.

Seriously, what was the deal with that? I can go along with a little foul language but nudity? What were they trying to prove? Cops have asses too? And don't get me wrong. Some of the women on that show looked really good in the buff ( Sharon Lawrence) and I enjoyed getting a look at Jimmy Smits' butt as much as the next guy, but did I need to see Gordon Clapp's flabby red cheeks? Did anybody? Then you had that pasty little elf David Caruso baring his bony little ass for the camera. Not exactly Emmy material. And Kim Delany naked isn't a big deal. Hang out in her neighborhood and you'll see her naked at least twice a weak. More if she's drinking.

The great thing about Lost is that the nudity would make sense. They're on an island and clothes would wear out. Best of all just about everybody on the show is skin-worthy and those who might not be hot in the nude would still be interesting. Sadly, Lost seems to be bumping off their hot women, but Evangeline Lilly is still there and Emilie de Ravin's character popped that baby out so she's got a centerfold body too. Don't forget about the hot Asian couple and the butch Anna Lucia played by the butch(er) Michelle Rodriguez. Better get her out of her clothes before she ends up in jail. And I'm not gay, but I wouldn't mind seeing Matthew Fox and Josh Holloway finally let their mutual animosity get the best of them in a sweaty greco-roman grudge match. Who wouldn't want to watch two hunky guys go at it in the hot island sand?

However, even nudity would eventually wear thin and the weak writing, bad acting and meandering plot would render the show boring and the only resolution would be a move to Showtime where the characters could explore more graphic relationships. Of course there they would have to go totally gay because that's the only way to get a series on a premium channel.

Damn, it's late and I see that Evangeline Lilly page just loaded so I'm off to test a theory. See you soon.

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